27/06/2012 10:43 PM
It’s been an interesting
month. Or more, I guess. I’ve actually been feeling a little flat, unmotivated,
and uninspired. When I have to get up and get out of bed and go to an
appointment or work, I can do that, no worries. It’s more a point of when I don’t
have anything pressing to do that I’m finding that I’m just lying in bed until
all hours of the morning, and sometimes a little into the afternoon. And then
what do I do? I make my way all the way out to the lounge-room, into the
bean-bag with my spare doona wrapped around me, and watch dvds or just fool
around online, while periodically checking my Scruff and Grindr accounts. I’ve
had some awesome chats with fellas from overseas, but as it always turns out
with regard to internet/online, it’s the fellas from overseas that are
interested and the ones in the backyard can’t even put two words together (Even
if those two words are “No Thanks!”) So, the lack of companionship, intimacy
and friendship with other men, predominantly, is getting me down a little. But
it isn’t the whole or sole cause of my funk.
Money, or the lack thereof,
is also a great promotor of a funk. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it
previously, but I honestly don’t know how people do it. How they can have
credit card debt, personal loan debt, and even home loan debt, and still manage
to go out and have a life and mix and mingle with people. I have two credit
cards, both pretty much maxed out at the moment, and that is my only debt.
Everything else is just the regular stuff like food and bills and rent. And yet at the end of the week, there doesn’t
seem to be enough. It could be that I’m doing it all by myself, paying the
bills, the rent, etc.; that I’m not in a share situation. To be honest, I
really don’t think I would go well trying to move into that kind of situation
after having been by myself pretty much most of my life. If I could give one
piece of advice to the younger generation, it would be live in share
accomodation for the first 10 years of your life outside of home, share the
costs of living, as well as put money aside for ‘later’. That’s something that
all the money books never mention. Mind you, I think my case is probably more
the exception, than the rule. Most people have their networks and their social
circles. So what seems like a stretch and a mid-life ‘revelation’, is more than
likely something that comes natural to most of the rest of the world.
For the most part, I’m
generally a pretty upbeat and chirpy kind of fella. But no-one can be up all
the time. It’s just that when I am down, it’s usually with a bit of thud, and
thinks look kind of grey. I know ‘Up’ is there, and I’ll get back there soon.
Service Announcement: If you
are feeling down and not at all bouncy, and have a feeling that it more than
just a passing mood variation, remember that there are those out there who can
help. In Australia, there is Lifeline (13 11 14) with trained counsellors there
to help.
