It’s been another week of
contemplating my navel on various aspects of my life. Last Wednesday (1/8), I
caught up with a couple of friends (one intentionally, one accidentally) and
had great conversations with them. As well, over the past couple of weeks, I’ve
been watching the entire Charmed
series. The connection between the two? Love!
I often wish there was someone
that could give me a nudge in the right direction when it came to love. As
Pheobe had her Cupid (Coop), I would love to have someone to give me a little
guidance. On the other hand, I also wonder if I’m ready for love? Does the rest
of my life have to be in some semblance of order before I can have someone else
come into my life and my heart? If that’s the case, then I’m thinking I’m kind
of screwed, at least from my perspective.
Another idea that popped into my
mind was the notion of needing someone else to make your life complete. I know
that there are definitely two sides to THAT argument. Obviously, there is the
idea that when you find that special someone, they will ‘click’ with and for
you and that together the ‘sum’ of you both as a couple will be greater than
the parts of you as your individual selves. Similar to saying that a light
globe is just an intricate glass ornament until you add electricity, that a
cake mix is just a sloppy mix until you add heat. That’s the way that I view myself.
As an individual, I can do good things, but if I meet and find one of those
‘someones’ then I’ll be able to do great things. I need someone or something to
act as a catalyst for me.
Of course, the other argument is
that if you can’t be the person you are supposed to be, to love yourself and
have your life in order and your direction sorted by yourself, then to add
someone else to the mix and expect them to ‘complete’ you is just a fallacy; that
the combination, while shining for the short-term, will eventually crash and
burn, more often than not, spectacularly.
And that’s just the whole romantic,
emotional side of things. That doesn’t take into the whole attraction aspect,
the physical chemistry. There are many people that I am attracted to, at least
initially. I’d enjoy getting past ‘initially’ to see if there was any other
connection, if only they would take the chance.
Of course, there are a few people that are attracted to me who,
unfortunately, do nothing for me. But just because I’m not willing to have sex
with them doesn’t mean that I’m not willing to meet them for a coffee and chat.
After all, you don’t need to have sex with people to be their friends, do you?
But then, as I’ve come to realise, when it comes to the gay community, or at
least the fellas, sex would appear to be the gay version of a handshake. I’m
done ‘shaking hands’. I want love.
