Two months of lacking any real
motivation! It’s kind of scary! Clearly, I’m not happy with where my life is
at, at the moment, but I am grateful that for what I do have: a roof over my
head, money coming in, more than just the bare essentials for existing. I would
like more flexibility and freedom, however. But my life is clearly not so
uncomfortable that it is providing motivation and impetus to change it. Again,
I’m confronted with the question of am I just too lazy to move out of my own
way, too uninspired, or too lost and directionless? Unfortunately, I think that
it might be a generous dose of all three, plus one or more of the Colonel’s
secret herbs and spices.
It’s clear, from past experience
(especially when it comes to bills and finances), that I work better with a
goal, something that can visibly be measured. I find it so much easier to pay
down a bill than I do to save up to an amount. To be honest, those are really
the only kind of goals that I usually end up achieving. The first thing that
comes to mind is the fact that they have repercussions if I don’t follow
through on them. Having a goal like a holiday or saving a certain amount
doesn’t have the same kind of implications.
I’ve read many self-improvement
books that say we run from pain and run to pleasure. Unfortunately, for me,
running from the pain is the greater motivator, and it would appear that my
capacity to endure pain is higher than would be preferred. It would appear that
pleasure doesn’t have as great a compulsion or magnetism for me as it does for
a lot of people. The thought that just popped into my head: Does that make me
lazy, or apathetic?
Over the years, I’ve read many
profiles online, both for and against, the idea of someone to ‘complete’
them. I may fall into that category, but
then there are other times when I think that I don’t necessarily need someone
to complete me, but to simply act as that ‘flashpoint’, that catalyst, which
will spark me into a better me. Is it
possible that for there to be a ‘better’ me, it will be more rewarding for the
better me to be for someone else? Am I an empty vessel that needs someone else
to fill me with a purpose to bring a greater meaning to my life, and a greater
fulfilment to me? Do I need to be helping others more before I can even think
of helping myself? (This last one is also a common theme that has been
springing up in the aforementioned self-help books.)
I’m guessing that I need a fire
of some sort to be lit under my arse to get me truly ‘going’! It’s just a
matter of how big does it need to be, and with what kind of fuel does it need
to be fed before my brilliance can truly burn!
