….and so tomorrow is
Valentine’s Day! The day where you get to show the person that you love, how
much you love them. Or the chance to show someone that you would like to love, how awkward and
gangly you can be as you finally build up the nerve to let them know, as you
fly in face of the outright terror, the fear of rejection, public humiliation
(even if you DO make the supplication in private: you just KNOW that her friends
are going to hear all about it!) and the esteem shattering blow to your
confidence.
…..and that’s just in the STRAIGHT world! Can you imagine
how much worse it would be in the GAY world? You have to suffer something even
worse: indifference!
What could be worse than finally, after months of building
yourself up to making that first approach, rehearsing in your mind the EXACT
way, word for word, how that initial conversation will go, the nuances of the
words, the subtle hand gestures, the VOLUMES that are exchanged in body
language? After all that, only to have your intended turn to face you, listen
as you stutter and stammer through your approach, trip on that witty quip
(“That wasn’t how he was supposed to react!”); as you slowly sink into despair,
searching his eyes for some sign of hope and if not outright rescue then at
least a line to help you from going completely under, and finding nothing but
the stony, cold unassailable rock of his unreactive face, and then to have him
look you up and down, offer a smile filled with disdain (if you are lucky) or a
smirk of contempt, and to say, “Yeah, right! As if!”, and then mince away.
Okay, so this might be at the extreme edge of an example,
and for the most part, people do react with common decency. But reactions such
as these, even if less severe, do happen. You might say that the suitor may
need to work on his confidence, or not aim so high if he is that intimidated by
the apple of his eye. But doesn’t the recipient of such an approach also bear
some responsibility for the outcome? Yes, they didn’t provoke or initiate the
approach, but they were involved. And while they are definitely under no
obligation to build and bolster confidence, or otherwise provide emotional
support, many of these people also forget that neither are they obliged to
apply an emotional wrecking ball, to be a jack-hammer jerk or demolition
dickhead if they are approached. It takes no more effort and energy to quietly
acknowledge the compliment (for if anyone finds you so enamouring that they
feel the desire and compulsion to make such an approach, then it IS a
compliment!) and politely decline it.
Remember, regardless of how ‘hot’, ‘sexy’ and attractive you
may be, EVERYONE has been rejected at some stage, and it’s not something anyone
chooses. So if you are approached, and you are unable to be someone’s ‘Happy
Valentine’, try at least no to make them an Unhappy one.
