Happy Demolition Day!

….and so tomorrow is Valentine’s Day! The day where you get to show the person that you love, how much you love them. Or the chance to show someone that you would like to love, how awkward and gangly you can be as you finally build up the nerve to let them know, as you fly in face of the outright terror, the fear of rejection, public humiliation (even if you DO make the supplication in private: you just KNOW that her friends are going to hear all about it!) and the esteem shattering blow to your confidence.

…..and that’s just in the STRAIGHT world! Can you imagine how much worse it would be in the GAY world? You have to suffer something even worse: indifference!

What could be worse than finally, after months of building yourself up to making that first approach, rehearsing in your mind the EXACT way, word for word, how that initial conversation will go, the nuances of the words, the subtle hand gestures, the VOLUMES that are exchanged in body language? After all that, only to have your intended turn to face you, listen as you stutter and stammer through your approach, trip on that witty quip (“That wasn’t how he was supposed to react!”); as you slowly sink into despair, searching his eyes for some sign of hope and if not outright rescue then at least a line to help you from going completely under, and finding nothing but the stony, cold unassailable rock of his unreactive face, and then to have him look you up and down, offer a smile filled with disdain (if you are lucky) or a smirk of contempt, and to say, “Yeah, right! As if!”, and then mince away.

Okay, so this might be at the extreme edge of an example, and for the most part, people do react with common decency. But reactions such as these, even if less severe, do happen. You might say that the suitor may need to work on his confidence, or not aim so high if he is that intimidated by the apple of his eye. But doesn’t the recipient of such an approach also bear some responsibility for the outcome? Yes, they didn’t provoke or initiate the approach, but they were involved. And while they are definitely under no obligation to build and bolster confidence, or otherwise provide emotional support, many of these people also forget that neither are they obliged to apply an emotional wrecking ball, to be a jack-hammer jerk or demolition dickhead if they are approached. It takes no more effort and energy to quietly acknowledge the compliment (for if anyone finds you so enamouring that they feel the desire and compulsion to make such an approach, then it IS a compliment!) and politely decline it.

Remember, regardless of how ‘hot’, ‘sexy’ and attractive you may be, EVERYONE has been rejected at some stage, and it’s not something anyone chooses. So if you are approached, and you are unable to be someone’s ‘Happy Valentine’, try at least no to make them an Unhappy one.