The Brink Of Fingers And Shits.

Of course, the other title I could have given this 500 was, Down To The Wire … Again! But where is the creativity and eye-catching quality of that!

It’s been a good few weeks, if not a month, since I finally got my business necessities together: ABN, Business name registered, business cards and accoutrements. And still I haven’t done anything with it. Still I’m working weekends at a place that I don’t want to be at. Still I’m making not enough money to cover basic bills. And still, this doesn’t seem to be enough to scare the crap out of me into getting my arse into gear!

 I actually spend more time thinking about why I have a problem with taking that first step out into the world to promote myself, than I do of actually taking it! Excuses that run through my mind are that I’m waiting for the right time to approach it (when I know DAMN well that NOW is the right time … the only time!) Or that I need to get everything sorted at home and be neat and tidy where I live before I can be neat and tidy out there in the world. (This is flawed for a few reasons: 1) because it’s a case of, Huh? and 2) because the state of my flat isn’t going to affect my approaching businesses to inform them of the service that I have to offer.) I can also think of many angles that I haven’t covered, that I should probably cover, before I get out there, pimping myself. But then that didn’t stop Bill Gates and Microsoft from getting on with things, and, in fact, just about every software production that comes off the silicon line these days. How often these days are we getting patches and updates to fix bugs and improve what you would have to think is a ‘faulty’ product (if it needs these constant band-aid measures). Even my own work history should be enough to quell this argument. I started as a kitchenhand, and learnt on the job, I wasn’t an ‘instant’ cook. But the crux of the matter is that, if I made a mistake on the job, then it was under the umbrella of ‘the job’.

I’m on the brink of moving forward, and need to get my shit together and pull my finger out. I’m afraid that if I don’t get my shit together before I pull my finger out, it could get pretty messy. But then again, it could just be a little bit of wind, just what’s required to give me the momentum to get me moving forward. I have to stop being afraid of what might happen, and only concern myself with IF it happens, and then, not now. I’m afraid of what might happen, of letting people down, of not succeeding (and probably even more afraid of being successful and not coping), of it all just not working, but until I actually do something, NOTHING will happen, good or bad.